I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
im on a boat
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