were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
