when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
