My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Randomize
