I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
