new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
