i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
