Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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