The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
