Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i now understand why vodka
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
