I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
