We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
