Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Im part way to drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
