do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
