Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
