Old men and throwing up are my life now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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