You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
