Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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