I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are my feet made of real feet?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize