If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so explain again why im purple
no
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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