will power is for people who don't want to get laid
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
