then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
