Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
