So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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