I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
