I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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