i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
