eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize