You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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