you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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