i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As shirtless as possible
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
