508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
