I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
