my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize