so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
