I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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