My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
