just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
