he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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