but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my shit smells like andre
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
