Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
