she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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