you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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