Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
