smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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