Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
