i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize