Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
