A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
