This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
