we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize