Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
