goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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