I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize