I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
