PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think my vagina is haunted
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
