even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
