The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize