i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
