I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
