I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
