Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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