Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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