how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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