dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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