you're like a bully in the Christmas story
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
