i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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