I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
