dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
