oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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