life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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