Dude my mom stole all your condoms
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
