so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
