I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
