Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need water and some morals
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
