You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
