I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
