This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
