All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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