Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
