Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
