nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
