dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
