and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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