I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
