Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
