we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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