Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize