Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
