ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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