i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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