Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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