I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
