They should really pass out barf bags in church
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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