I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
