You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
