dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
