Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
