It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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