i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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