You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
