WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
