I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
