We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
