Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
