Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize