You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dicks are not precious.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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