Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
